DAY 2: The real day 1
Woke up at 5:30 this morning to spend time with the Lord… I knew it was needed and it’s my new routine. I was actually nervous. I wasn’t nervous about having to take care of a bunch of toddlers, or changing diapers, or having to play for hours on end.. I was nervous about how I’d be able to handle the situations and stories thrown at me.
You see, I’ve always been a crazy “I think in rainbows” optimistic type of person. That’s how I was supposed to act right? Because negative nancys are rejected, everyone wants a positive leader you know? Well this performance and one way mindset kept me from feeling things like pain, and hurt. It really just helped me suppress it all into a vortex of numbness, and let me see only the beautiful sparkly parts of things.
I’ve been praying to feel this pain though. And let me tell you it’s starting to come through… only enough for me to handle though. PRAISE THE LORD.
When I got to the school at 7:15 I didn’t get to stay with the rest of my team to do the morning assembly (which was actually sad because it was sing along Wednesday) but instead I went on the hike to the Creche. Today the babies were smiling and extremely excited to see me. It was so fun. They weren’t afraid of me cuz I was white either! (Asia issues) They all jumped on me, giggled, smiled, wiped their ugali (flavorless cornmeal) and boogery hands all over me. IT WAS SO GOOD. All of a sudden a baby was dropped off outside by the door.. I never saw who brought her. Then in a huge rush a woman ran in, threw her baby whose head was covered in a blanket onto the wooden bench in the middle of the room and darted out without a word or even a split second of eye contact. This baby’s name was Ashwin.. You’ll hear more about him soon.
So I picked him up, uncovered him and found him absolutely covered in boogers, crusty flaky skin, his nose discolored and more painfully chapped than I’d ever seen, and odd discolored scars covering his face. But then I noticed his eyes. They were dark brown, glossy, and deep…. I felt like I was able to read into his soul… but that the memories that lied there were deeper than I could imagine.
The morning consisted of play time and a nutrition less breakfast, some prayer, songs, lots of fight break ups (these are slum kids beyond their years), and quite a few struggles for me. You see, I grew up in a family that didn’t spank for good reasons, and I’m 110% sure I will never use spanking as a way of discipline for my children either.. But how do you discipline a one or two or almost three year old who has suffered abuse and finds their only way of being disciplined in being beaten, starved, or burned. The finger and stern “no” gets a mischievous smile and (yes, I mean it.) eye roll with a giggle, and there are too many of them in a room to make a time out affective. But anyways, I’m working on figuring out how to earn some respect and discipline them in a way I’m comfortable with.
Ashwin was the mystery child though. When I held him and fed him and rocked him to sleep, he just clung onto me silently. He slept the ENTIRE morning.. and I later found out why. Ashwin is the baby of drug abusers, they work a bit during the day, get what they need for the night, and smoke, and shoot up their weeks earnings at night. During the night Ashwin is abused and kept awake. He doesn’t sleep.
I can’t explain how bad my heart is breaking and it epically sucks because there’s so little I can actually do. Jesus’ word for me today from my quiet time was based off of 1 Corinthians 13…
Day 2: The hours that never seemed to end
Quiet time at 5:30 am has kept me sane. Yes, I said 5:30 am, which for those of you who know me well is absolutely NUTS and disgusting. My cup of tea and microwaved eggs with cheese make waking up early a bit better, and it’s just so necessary, and the Lord’s been speaking. He’s been speaking immediately the second I sit down with Him too. Today’s word was “Strength”, and boy did I need it. I wrote it on my hand and went off for the day.
Today I walked in to a great morning. The kids were energetic and happy. They were actually excited to see me like they’d known me for a while. I got to feed Ashwin which made my morning. Play time was where things got weird.
Apparently they walked around swearing in Afrikans all day. Shaegyn (my little trouble maker) held a finger gun up to a little girls head and said, “Suck my **** *****” And not one of them know what sharing is. They constantly want to make eachother mad.
Ashwin is growing on me. Today I realized that He has the most severe ear infection I’ve ever seen. His entire left ear is filled FILLED and overflowing down his face with a light green/yellow mucus. I wipe it up every 20 minutes and then LOAD up on hand sanitizer. He also has THE MOST SEVERE diaper rash/”nappy rash” (?) I’ve ever seen in my life. Changing his diaper takes two of us. I just sit and cry with him as he squeezes my fingers and sobs in pain. Imagine from just below your belly button to 4 inches down your thighs and everything in between COMPLETELY raw. Layers of skin gone, some scarring. He came to the crèche with the issue, I’m currently on a search to find him medicine for it. I can’t even tell you the pain of watching him get changed knowing I can’t do anything for him.
Abby came to get me with her class when she dropped off lunch at 1. Abby “teaches” a class of “special needs” kids and I help the whole second half of the day with them. These children (12-14) aren’t actually special needs… they’re just so emotionally scarred that they can’t be in a normal classroom because they don’t behave. Their back stories kill me. Keenan, the only boy, lives in a shack in a slum with all of his brothers. His brothers are druggies, gangsters, alcoholics, and abusive. He’s also severly abused by his parents and has scars across his entire face from his parents most preferred way of abuse—cigarette burns. He has picked up the abusive side of everything by beating up every little girl in sight. Another girl, Geraldene, is the reason the school started. She cares for her alcoholic mother, and has raised her sisters. She doesn’t have food besides what’s provided at school, and she doesn’t have a home. All of the girls have been raped multiple times. One by her father nearly daily. One by 3 different men in 3 months. Another by family and community members.
I’m a lover. I just wanna love on these kids. Hold them, tell them they’re beautiful. Let them know they’re loved. But for the last 3 hours of my day. I’m constantly breaking up fights, and holding people down. Taking cans of paint thinner and wood finish that was found in the dump away from the kids who are rushing to inhale it. It’s stressful, and they don’t know anything else in life but this way of life.
So today was hard. But God kept reminding me that the joy of the Lord is my strength… thank you Nehimiah. There is joy in this ministry, it just has to be found amongst the chaos and exhaustion. It’s going to get better, but sometimes it’s easier to say, “It’d be easier to just be home right now.” (Attack.) The Lord is faithful and will pull through.. I know it, I need it.
Praying for strength for you Riely and for all the children’s whose lives you touch. You are such a bright star for these kids, like they’ve never seen before. You will get God’s love through to them, if anybody can, it’s you!